I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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