He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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