Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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