Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
