Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
