The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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