were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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