Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
