someone get that fucking seahorse.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
