Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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