I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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