Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
