somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
