if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
dude. I can hear the air.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
