i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
