sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
