theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
