Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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