just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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