did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
