dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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