Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
