Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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