well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
