I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
