she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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