cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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