Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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