You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
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I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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