My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
