u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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