So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
