The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
