I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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