So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
