and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
