if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
