you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
