Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
