dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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