note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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