I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
