cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
