Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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