I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
