whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
His nipple licking is glorious
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