Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
