I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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