mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she looked like the before picture.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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