On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
