He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
