if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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