she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
