my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
