i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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