When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Panties = found
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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