my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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