so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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