i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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