good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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