At least make sure they are 18
Why
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he was CRYING into my vagina
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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