My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
