Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
