...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
