; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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