yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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